Grappling with Prayer, Searching for Answers

I’ve always had a difficult time with prayer.  In my endless searching, the problem I’ve always had has been exactly what the nature and purpose of prayer is.  At a young age, much like many other children, I was taught the Lord’s Prayer as a means of praying, not really understanding what each part meant.  Then, also like many, I would tack on my list of requests for blessings (naming the people closest to me), followed by a list of desires (things that I wanted to see happen in my life).  As I grew older and searched more, the words of the Lord’s Prayer deepened, and I understood them beyond just a memorization, however the way in which I would pray never reconciled with what my beliefs about God and the world were.  Many of us use prayer as a wish list, and the intensity of that wish list increases as the situation becomes more desperate.  A lost wallet or a possible failed test invokes passionate prayer, whereas a life of contentment and ease leads to calmer, contemplative prayer.  So, is the success of prayer based on human effort?  Just before Christ’s death on the cross, His prayer “not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22.42) models for us to not request our own desires but to look to adhere more to His.  Similarly, Søren Kierkegaard theorized that the purpose of our prayers “is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays,” an idea that suggests our goal not be to change God’s mind, but instead our own path and mentality.  So, the words of the Lord’s Prayer “your will be done” and the follow up list of requests as pulled from my own will seem to contradict each other in approach.  CS Lewis, a fiercely private individual, was often asked about his prayer life, but would dodge these questions, feeling that prayer was something that was done, not talked about.  However, he too struggled with the purpose of prayer, feeling that requests (petitionary prayer) conflicted with the Lord’s Prayer (a surrendering to His will).  Lewis was quoted as saying that in his search, he worked towards “prayer without words,” a form of prayer that allowed him to meditate on individuals and visualize events without having an agenda towards a desire.  Additionally, he felt that in our search for how to pray, asking the question “Does prayer work?” misleads us into thinking that prayer’s success is an act of the will (the more faith we have and the harder we pray, the more likely our prayers will be answered).  In searching out answers for this apparent contradiction, Lewis felt that more surrendering and less requesting was in order, as requests are based in our sometimes short-sighted, earthly emotions, whereas surrendering allows for His perspective.   Like Lewis, our views on prayer are limited by our human perspective: we don’t have the answers and don’t know what effect prayer has.  Maybe our prayer requests, although important, are not how we should pray but instead may give us clues on which to focus.  Instead of a laundry list of requests, maybe when we tell others that they are in our prayers, in addition to providing comfort with those words, we then look to pray without words, seeking a meditative approach for support, as only God knows what is best for them.  We can allow ourselves and others to be drawn closer to Him not by putting conditions and stipulations on our expectations but instead wordlessly including those around us and supporting them in Him through ways we may never understand and down paths we didn’t even know existed.  Instead of focusing on our feelings about God, we could instead focus on God.  More importantly, although we don’t have all of the answers regarding how to pray, we can continue to seek them out, struggling to understand prayer through communion with Him.  It is then, in the quiet struggle and boundless searching, that we truly find Him.  Amen.

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